All of my posts on this blog have been sports related. But I have wanted to delve into more about me. I myself struggle with depression, especially around this time of year when the days get shorter and we get longer darker hours. I have suffered from depression from almost half of my life. I am currently 27 years old, and as time goes on my depression seems to get worse. The hardest part about it is struggling with it in silence. There are many reasons why that is. One in particular reason is because physically I appear okay, therefore people cant comprehend or understand there being anything wrong with me. Because of that, they are not able to maybe sympathize and be as supportive as you would hope they would be. People also get the misconception that if someone struggles with depression, then they must be crazy or insane. That is the furthest thing from the truth. People with depression are your every ordinary day people who walk among us in society. But sometimes, and especially in my case, it can be difficult to enjoy everyday activities and the other wonderful things in life that is has to offer us.
In particular a loss of interests has happened for me recently in things I normally found enjoyment in. I have become isolated and do not feel up to leaving the house because I feel so miserable. And because I feel miserable, I know I cannot enjoy myself. While I was lucky enough to finally get out last night and go to a friends house for a movie and dinner, during the time I had difficulty being able to relax and enjoy the moment that was in the present. I enjoyed the company and presence of others but I could not help but still feel down and out and because of that it made it harder for me to appreciate even the simplest things in life. Depression has always deprived me from being able to enjoy myself. I remember when I was in 10th grade and had battled a period of depression I would not even leave the house. It also got so bad it disrupted my sleeping pattern and I had to be schooled at home for the second half of the year, which in turn made my depression even worse.
I am now reliving the same scenario all over again. And going back to a point I made earlier about suffering in silence, it still rings true. I keep quiet about it for fear of any sort of backlash. It has also been hard for me to really share what I am going through with my family because I feel like they would be disappointed in me. It sucks feeling that way, but that is what depression does to you, makes you feel guilt. All I want is understanding that way I have a strong support system there for me and to be able to encourage me through my darkest hours. The saving grace is that usually I know I can get through a bout with depression. The downside is knowing that it will come back again ready to control my emotions and feelings once more.
* Hotlines. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately. Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433. Immediate Medical Assistance: 911. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.*
